


patroclus just wants to dick down his boyfriend

by SamCyberCat



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Humour, M/M, Mid-Canon, Zagreus being Zagreus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29020824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamCyberCat/pseuds/SamCyberCat
Summary: ...The punchline is that Zagreus turns up before he can.
Relationships: Achilles/Patroclus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 90





	patroclus just wants to dick down his boyfriend

Achilles's hair, soft and golden curls, wrapping around his hand as he strokes through it with a desperate need. His voice is soft, too, hushed laugh resting upon Patroclus's lips, as they scarcely break apart from each other for but a moment. But Achilles's arms are anything but soft, holding him in their tight embrace, demanding more with a sort of need that only Patroclus can draw out of him. The rush of these feelings. Never forgotten, but never expected to feel again.

Patroclus finds his own hands roaming down, urged on by the suddenly violent bucks from Achilles. They have waited too long. Their reunion was filled with warmth and words long left unsaid. But now, even for Achilles, the time for words is over. He fists at Achilles's bulge beneath his robes, Achilles crying out in lust.

This moment. Their to share alone.

“Greetings, sirs, I hope that I am not interrupting anything!”

Patroclus pulls back with a start, though he's left tangled in the clothes and limbs of Achilles. He is greeted by the grinning face of the Prince of the Underworld, whom he apparently owes thanks for his reunion with his beloved. Yet he did not expect to have to give such thanks whilst in the middle of... this. For all it is on them for doing this out in the open, this patch of Elysium is usually left to only Patroclus.

He takes a deep breath, biting back the annoyance that rises up inside of him.

“Looks like your ward is here.”

“So he is,” Achilles says, sounding a lot less shaken than Patroclus at the intrusion. Perhaps he is used to Zagreus bursting in at any moment, as appears to be the prince's way.

Yet Patroclus can't be too angered when he turns to look back at Achilles, flushed as he is and attempting to recover his dignity in the face of his ward. Achilles sits up, crossing his legs over and regarding Patroclus before Zagreus.

“We have him to thank for all of this. Were it not for Zagreus, I would still remain at the house, separate and second-guessing.”

“I know. I know what you're like.” With that, Patroclus turns to Zagreus; “I thank you, stranger, for your kindness. Now, if you would grant us this time...”

Zagreus waits expectantly, shifting his weight back and forth on the balls of his feet.

Patroclus sighs.

“What is it, stranger?”

“Well, I mean, not to be presumptuous, but every other time I've come here, you've given me a gift.”

“Right, of course.” Patroclus reaches into the pouch at his side and takes out a few strands of Cyclops Jerky, shoving them into Zagreus's out-stretched hands; “There you go.”

“Actually, I've been doing pretty badly this time. Had a run-in with the dreaded butterfly ball and I'm down a few Death Defiances. So I was hoping for a Kiss of Styx?”

Patroclus was hoping for a kiss as well. From Achilles. Looks like no one's getting what they want today.

“Goodbye, stranger.”

“Come on, Pat, don't be like that,” Achilles soothes, “After all the lad has done for us.”

“Fine, very well. Lest he leave disappointed.”

Patroclus reaches back into his pouch, taking out three Kisses of Styx, a HydraLite and even a hundred obols (all that he had on him) for good measure, shoving them into the arms of Zagreus. Everything that the boy should want is surely there.

“There. Now go.”

“But I can't accept this, it's far too much,” Zagreus gasps, pocketing the goods as he claims he cannot accept them.

“Lad, please. We have waited.”

So rare is it for Achilles to speak up, that Patroclus can only assume that the prince takes heed of his mentor's words more so than Patroclus's. As he watches, Zagreus's expression changes and he nods, looking ready to dash away in a moment.

“Of course, I understand what that must be like,” says Zagreus (Patroclus doubts this); “I shall see you back at the house later, Achilles. Have a good time, you two. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.”

With that, he dashes off towards the doors at the end of the chamber, selecting one that he surely believes will benefit him the most on his journey. Before the door slides shut behind him, Zagreus looks back, giving the two of them a thumbs up. For all his intentions are good, Patroclus would go over there and slide the door shut himself, if it would prevent them from being disturbed.

Once they actually are alone once more, Patroclus turns back to Achilles, fully intending to pick up from where they left off, with not a moment to lose.

“Now, Achilles, before the mood is ruined once more-”

_Smash!_

_Arrghhh! **Not yet!**_

_That all you got?_

**_Nooo!_ **

_Crrkkk!_

_You and me!_

...Patroclus pulls back, hands in his lap and a frown on his face. The moment - a moment they have both waited countless years for - is ruined. To put it bluntly, his arousal cannot withstand the sound of Prince Zagreus yelling at shades and smashing pots in the next room over. Achilles gently pats him on the back.

“Let's wait until he's moved a bit further, shall we?”

“And pray those Death Defiances stop him from coming back any time soon.”

_Niiice!_

...At least _someone_ got a good boon out of this, Patroclus supposes.


End file.
